The Three Date Rule
by allthingsdecent
Summary: One of Cuddy's friends wants to get fixed up with House. Jealous!Cuddy emerges. Season 3.


**Author's note: Just a tiny birthday fic for my pal Gaia who requested jealous!Cuddy. It takes place in a Season 3 world. The best way to enjoy it is to have very low expectations going in. (No, really.)**

**And buon compleanno, Gaia! Sorry I didn't write a better fic for you!**

Cuddy was allowing herself a rare moment of relaxation—a night out with friends—when she looked up and actually groaned. There, sitting at the restaurant bar, polishing off a burger and nursing a drink, was none other than Dr. Gregory House.

What on earth was he doing here? This was a _nice _place—House generally preferred his watering holes dark, dank, and sleazy.

She literally sunk lower into her chair, hoping he wouldn't notice her.

But of course, he did. He caught her eye, grinned—like it was the most wonderful of coincidences—and limped over to their table.

"Cuddy!" he said brightly. "Do my eyes deceive me or have I stumbled upon a night out with the girls? I didn't even know you had girls. How does this work: Do you rent them by the hour? Or are they doing charity work—kinda like one of those Big Brother/Big Sister deals, only for BFFs?"

Cuddy sighed, rolled her eyes a bit.

"Danielle, Catherine, Maura—this is the sunshine of my life, also known as Dr. Gregory House."

"Oh _Doctor_ House," House said, winking broadly. "So you're doing the whole 'I'm the Dean of Medicine' act for your friends? And they're buying it? Okay, I'll play along."

He grabbed an empty chair from a nearby table and shoved it next to Cuddy, then straddled it backwards. The table was already somewhat cramped—he practically had his leg draped over hers.

"Yes, it's true, _Doctor_ Cuddy and I had a long hard day of _saving lives_," he said, elbowing Cuddy in the ribs. "Many code reds were called as well as, um, emergency kidneyectomies and acute lumbar infusions."

"Cute House," Cuddy said.

He reached onto her plate, grabbed a spear of asparagus, and ate it. She slapped his hand.

"Now I'll think of you when I pee," he whispered.

Then he leaned forward in his chair.

"So what are we talking about, ladies?" he said to the table. "I love girl talk. Cuddy thinks I'm a Samantha, but I'm really _such_ a Carrie."

Cuddy's friend all laughed. They thought he was cute.

"We were talking about—"

"How sad it is that you have to go," Cuddy said, practically lifting him off the chair by his arm.

House looked at her out of the corner of his eye, smirked, popped up.

"Don't keep her out too long ladies. She has to be on the pole by 1 am. . ." Then he covered his mouth, as though he had just let out a big secret. "I'm sorry. Did I just say that outloud?"

"And just for that, I want your ass in the clinic tomorrow morning at 9," Cuddy said.

"Oooh, I love when she talks dirty like that," House said, grabbing Cuddy's wine glass, and gulping the last of her pinot grigio. He left.

"What was that?" Danielle said, once he was out of earshot.

"That, believe it or not, was the head of my diagnostics department," Cuddy said, shaking her head.

"And how long have you two been sleeping together?" Maura asked, giving Cuddy a knowing look.

Cuddy felt her face turn red.

"Don't be ridiculous," she said. "We're not sleeping together."

"He was eating your food, giving you shit, and practically sitting in your lap," Maura said. "That kind of intimacy doesn't come without prior. . .intimacy."

"He's just a colleague," Cuddy said, unconvincingly.

"Okay, fine. You don't have to tell us if you don't want to," Maura teased, pouring Cuddy some more wine.

Now all of her friends were looking at her expectantly.

"Okay," Cuddy said, lowering her voice. "We slept together—once. Back in college. A lifetime ago."

"I knew it!" Maura said, triumphantly.

"That must be hard," Catherine said. "Working with an ex?"

"He's not an ex," said Cuddy. "It was a one night stand. A very impulsive, very ill-advised one-night stand."

"A very _hot _one-night stand, if you ask me," Danielle said.

Cuddy smiled a bit, almost to herself.

"Okay, that too," she said, with a chuckle.

"What's up with his leg?" asked Maura. "Old sports injury?"

"No, a blood clot that he. . . nevermind, it's a long story."

"And you're definitely not interested in him, not even a little?" Danielle said.

Cuddy tried to concentrate on her plate of food.

"No," she said, taking a forkful of salmon. "Not even a little."

"So is he single?" Danielle probed.

Cuddy snorted a bit.

"Single? Yeah. Terminally."

"Can you give him my number?"

Cuddy looked up.

"You've got to be kidding."

"A sexy single doctor? That's like the holy trinity of dating."

"He doesn't date," Cuddy said.

"So he's—what—celibate?"

Cuddy laughed.

"Hardly," she said.

"Then he dates."

"No, he sleeps with whores. How's that for holy?"

Danielle smiled.

"Good. I love a challenge."

"You're a friend, Danielle," Cuddy said. "And I wouldn't wish House on my worst enemy."

"Look," Danielle said. "If you want him for yourself, that's cool, just say so. Otherwise, hook a girlfriend up, will ya? Give him my card. I'm a big girl, I can take of myself."

She handed Cuddy her business card.

Cuddy looked at her, looked around the table, feeling cornered.

Finally she took her friend's card.

"Fine," she said "But don't get your hopes up. He's never going to call you."

#######

The next day, she stopped by House's office.

"How was Cougar's Night Out?" House said.

"Except for the part where a raving lunatic stopped by our table, quite lovely," Cuddy said.

"Just trying to keep things lively," he said.

"What were you even doing there? You hate places like that."

"A grateful patient gave me a gift certificate," House said.

Cuddy shot him a skeptical look.

"Okay, let me rephrase that," he said. "A grateful patient gave _Wilson_ a gift certificate and he has to many, I figured he wouldn't notice if one went missing."

Cuddy shook her head, started to leave his office, then stopped.

"You know my friend Danielle?" she said, trying to keep her voice casual.

House squinted.

"Blonde with the rack, brunette with the big eyes, or the pretty girl's best friend—the fat and funny sidekick?"

"Maura's not fat!" Cuddy said, defensively.

"And yet you knew exactly who I was talking about," House said.

Cuddy rolled her eyes.

"So. . .Danielle?" House coaxed.

"Oh yeah. Brunette with the big eyes."

"What about her?"

Cuddy laughed in a dismissive sort of way.

"Well, its ridiculous, I know. . .but she apparently took a shining to you—God knows why—and asked that I give you her card."

She reached into her purse, found Danielle's card, and handed it to him.

"I know that you're not going to call her, but if you could wait until I leave your office before throwing it out—she is a friend."

House took the card, looked at it.

"Interior designer, huh?" he said. "Cool." He put it in his inside jacket pocket.

Cuddy stared at him, incredulously.

"You're going to _call _her?" she said.

"Why not?" House shrugged.

"Because you . . .don't date!"

"How do you know what I do or don't do?" House said.

"I'm pretty sure that if you dated I would know about it," she said. Then she hesitated: "Wouldn't I?"

He looked at her for a second.

"No, I don't date," he said. "Unless you count Cameron's Win A Dream Date With Greg House experience. And we both know I don't."

Cuddy gave a slight nod.

"So why now?" she said.

"Because she asked."

"So that's it? It's as easy as just asking?"

"Apparently so," House said.

"And you're going to—what?—take her to a restaurant? To a movie?"

She still couldn't quite wrap her mind around it.

"I'd prefer to skip dinner and go straight to the motel, but I understand most women have this three date rule these days," House said.

"You're a pig," Cuddy said.

"A pig who's three dates away from having his way with one of your besties," House said.

######

Later that day, she brushed passed him in the hallway without saying a word, and then a few hours later, she summarily rejected his request for a patient brain biopsy, without even letting him make his case.

"That's it?" he said. "Usually you at least let me do my dog and pony show before you say no."

"I don't need to see your dog and pony show. That's the beauty of being the boss."

She looked back down at her paperwork.

He folded his arms.

"What's with you, Cuddy? You've been acting weird all day."

"No, I haven't," Cuddy said.

"Yes, you have. Is this about Danielle?"

"No," Cuddy lied.

He looked at her.

"I promise I'll be nice to her," he said. "You won't lose your friend. I'll even give her a nice a parting gift. Happy now?"

He started to leave her office.

"House?" Cuddy said, cautiously.

"Yes Cuddy?"

She took a deep breath.

"How come you never . . . asked me out?"

He turned around. Tried to figure out if she was being serious.

"Because you don't like me like that," he said evenly.

"Says who?" she said.

"Says you: _That ship sailed long ago, House_—remember? _Get over me, House_—ring any bells?"

Shit. He had such an annoying habit of throwing her own words back in her face.

"That was before I . . ."

"Before you what?"

"Knew that you were the kind of guy who went on dates," she said, sheepishly. She felt ridiculous.

He cocked his head a bit.

"You _want_ to go on a date with me?" he said.

"Maybe," she said.

"It's a simple question, Cuddy," he said, moving toward her. "Do you or don't you?"

"I don't know: Are you asking?"

He decided to call her bluff.

"Okay, I'm asking," he said.

They stared at each other.

"Then I'm accepting," she said.

He actually looked shocked.

"Alright then," he said, a tiny smile playing at his lips.

"And you won't call Danielle?" Cuddy said.

He pulled the card out of his pocket.

"Do you have a paper shredder?" he asked. "Or a match?"

She laughed. He dropped the card on the floor, pretended to crush it with his foot, then limped toward her again. Now he was standing so close, the fabric of his jacket was touching hers.

"Wow. You were actually just jealous there," he said, still in disbelief.

"I wasn't jeal—"

"You don't have to be jealous Cuddy," he whispered in her ear. "Danielles, Catherines, Camerons—they come and go. I'll always like you best."

And with that, he leaned in and kissed her. For a brief second, she got lost in a fog of arousal. The boy could do the most wonderful things with his tongue.

Then she caught herself.

"Someone could see us," she said, pulling away, glancing at the door.

"Fine," he said with a grin, backing off. "I can wait. Speaking of which. Since we've already bumped uglies and since you're practically undressing me with your eyes _as we speak_, can we skip the three date rule and just go straight to the motel room part?"

"You are such an ass, House."

"And apparently the ladies love it."

THE END


End file.
